Why is people pleasing bad and where does people pleasing come from? Some incredibly common questions in my community so it was time to dive deep on this incredibly common behavior so we can understand how to shift it.

What good is knowing you’re anxiously attached if you have nothing to do with that information? In this post we’re diving into what triggers anxious attachment and how to heal it. Understanding what our body is doing in moments where we are triggered by anxious attachment is the key to understanding how to shift is so you can more effectively form strong healthy relationships, in dating and beyond.

What good is knowing you’re anxiously attached if you have nothing to do with that information? In this post we’re diving into what is anxious attachment, where anxious attachment comes from and the good side of this often maligned attachment style. There is enormous value (self-awareness, tools and the potential for real healing) in understanding what your attachment style means for you, in your dating life and beyond.

In my mid-20s, I was deep in overachiever mode and was constantly in pursuit of feeling like I was doing the right thing. I wanted to get the promotion, be a girlboss and make more money. But at the same time, I was also trying to figure out the transition of my friendships from college into adulthood. How to date, when my experience at the time was a lot of lukewarm guys and situationships.

The number one sign that you care too much what other people think is if you spend a ton of time trying to predict what they’re thinking and feeling. In short, trying to read minds. Now before you click away, you might be thinking - “uh, yeah, stating the obvious, if I care what other people think, I spend time trying to figure out what they think.”

And there, my friend, is the issue.

This is a question I ask myself, and often clients, fairly regularly. But before we dive in too deep on it, let's clarify one thing: there's a helpful and unhelpful kind of safe. The helpful kind of safe is more like “supported.”

I'll cut right to the chase - there is one core thing that determines whether your life will be better in a month, six months, a year. 

We are all constantly in cycles of growing and dying. If you want to get really philosophical about it, every day we live is both a day of growth (if you're measuring from your birth) and death (if you're measuring from your death.

The uncertainty, which can come with disappointments like ghosting or a “meh” date, is a sign that we're putting ourselves in a situation with the potential for upside. But if we charge our dating life with too much unknown (betting big to win big, looking for our person), it's like we're day trading - not likely to succeed in the long run! 

A lot of content out there in the self-help, self-improvement space is oriented around making your life better. And there's a reason for this - we all want our lives to be better.

The first date went well. You think you might be able to see something with this guy. And then in advance of the second date, you realize your mind is spinning.

Dating is hard because it's vulnerable. Our emotions are involved and it's almost inevitable that we get hurt. But avoiding hurt isn't the goal of dating, finding connection is.

Now the choice is yours - do you speed up the process or slow it down? Do you go bravely into the world in search of your person or hide away because you remember the pain of your last disappointment or heartbreak?

Dating is not a test to pass. Why does dating seem to be such a kryptonite for the confidence of high-achieving women?

Dating is hard because it's vulnerable. Our emotions are involved and it's almost inevitable that we get hurt. But avoiding hurt isn't the goal of dating, finding connection is.

Just because we are striving to improve doesn’t mean that everything in our lives is magically better and we know how to make negative thoughts disappear. I took a good look at the harder parts and behind-the-scenes at this stage of my journey.