3 hints you’re about to majorly transform
A new job, that's way more fun and making more money.
A third date with a guy that's a way better fit for a long term relationship and feeling less anxious in between.
A more open dialogue and more communication while getting to know someone.
More support from colleagues and mentors to navigate a career transition.
Less disruption and spiraling after getting bad news.
What do all these things have in common?
These are real things that happened to my coaching clients in the last 2 weeks.
2 weeks!!! And this is just the stuff they've told me about. So I want to talk about the pieces that I think were the most important in setting them up for this type of growth. It’s not just luck or random shifts in the universe.
First, they talked to themselves.
Yes, you heard me right. Not necessarily aloud but I know this is in their toolbox because it's a big thing we use in coaching. Whether it's internal pep talks or having a conversation with that voice in your head telling you “STOP you're going to get hurt,” these conversations help get a level deeper than that initial narrative and figure out what the real fears are or whether there's actually a reasonable argument for whatever your head is saying.
Without this practice, we let our brain run wild…and not the helpful, logical part of our brain. When our fear-filled, pessimistic, insecure brain is running the show, it's no wonder we don't create the life we want. But often what we forget as we try to tell that part of our brain to “shush!” is all the useful information that we can get from that part of our brain. Hence the importance of actually having a conversation.
For one of the clients, having this type of conversation with the part of her brain that wanted her to stay at the deadbeat job because she wouldn't get anything else brought up specific fears about money that we were able to discuss and work through, all in the span of one conversation. Her brain had something productive it wanted her to deal with first and once she had answers those questions for herself, it was way easier for her to make the bold moves!
Second thing all of these clients had in common, they were vulnerable.
You don't constantly have to have the answer or feel like you've got it together. Often, by showing up without having it all figured out or just by focusing on communicating how they were feeling, they were actually met with support and proactive effort from others in their life to step up along the way.
While sometimes showing up in this way can feel really exposed, it's such a deep sign of strength - to be willing to show up imperfectly and without having a suggested solution tied up with a bow - that I've noticed clients often feel quite energized after these conversations because of how much better they were received than they expected.
Whether they showed up vulnerably with me, with their manager or the guy they were seeing, they were bravely just themselves. And it's no wonder that when you start to show up in that way, the universe seems to start conspiring to reward you with the things you've authentically been wanting!
Finally, when in doubt, they act.
We're not talking impulsive decisions and flying by the seat of their pants. But as they were envisioning these dream outcomes, eventually the work dials down into a set of necessary action that need to happen to even create the possibility for those dreams to come through.
Think of it like having the dream of being a Broadway star. You have spent your whole life training your voice, practicing your dance moves, watching videos of current stars' performance trying to squeeze all the juice and insight of how to be amazing and you are starting to believe more and more that you could be ready to be a star. But none of it matters if you don't go to auditions.
It's scary to put yourself in those situations because your likelihood of hearing “no” or “you're not good enough" is way higher (but let's be real here, when you're dancing in your living room the chance of hearing “no" is 0% but so is the chance of hearing “yes”)!
And that is true for these clients too. It was scary to quit the old job and start applying for new ones. It was scary to have a vulnerable conversation. But just like the chance of becoming a Broadway star in your living room is 0%, the chance of you having the love, the career, the money, the life you want if you don't do the scary thing… 0%. The important thing was they were in action, even though it was scary. The fear doesn't disappear, the potential on the other side just gets more important.
What step might you need to take right now that feels risky and scary because you don't know if you'll succeed or get what you want?
It could be anything: applying for that internship, explaining to your friend how they hurt your feelings, even working with me!
