This is some of what I’m proudest of
We are all out here pursuing our great life. You want a boyfriend who notices your emotional state and makes adjustments without needing to be told. The type of disposable income that allows you more freedom and flexibility to live according to your priorities. You want to do work that feels purposeful.
But the path to all those things feels long. What does it look like along the way?
In my sessions this week with my 1:1 clients, I was seeing breakthrough after breakthrough:
A conversation with a new-ish partner about her needs from a place of detachment ("If he can't meet these, I'm okay if this ends because it's not a good fit and if he can meet them, it will be really good for us. Win-win").
Another client feeling that “click” of realizing that she hadn't been giving a guy a fair shot based on opinions of her friends (but it had gotten so deep in her head that she really thought it was her own opinion).
Another client getting really honest about her desire to be pursued in early dating scenarios and overriding old instincts fill in gaps in conversation even if it meant the conversation fizzled
Sitting on my side of all of these (and those are just the beginning!), I saw all of these clients make a decision that was subtle but deeply important.
They chose to believe that their view, their desires, their needs were valid.
Even when in the face of fear or judgement or potential rejection, they each looked in the face of some amount of fear or downside and said: “because I want it is reason enough" and by doing so, saying “I am enough.”
I'm not sure any of them realized this is what they were doing until they felt the swell of self-respect on the other side but I could see it and it LIGHTS ME UP.
I wanted to highlight this for you because I hear so many questions and so much advice asking, whether in my comments on TikTok or when clients first start asking with me. It comes from a place of thinking I have all the answers. I hate to break it to you all, I'm still human. I make my own mistakes and I'm figuring out my own stuff. But what I am really darn good at (if I do say so myself) is holding enough room for clients to consider what the world would look like if they got their ideal and helping them see that, often, the things stopping them are all the lessons they learned over the years where they need to look or act or be like anybody else.
Coaching is not a red pill that magically fixes you. Instead, it is a practice, day-over-day and week-over-week that teaches you how to get honest with yourself and builds up the strength to be able to act on that honesty. The downside - it takes work. The upside - unlike if I could give you a magic pill for your current romantic malady and have it fixed by the time we finish, what you learn during coaching are skills and tools that can be used over and over again even after we've wrapped. And in that way, you become your own medicine.
