What if it’s not about learning something new?
Most of what I talk about with clients is about unlearning, more than learning.
When did you learn that you can't be yourself? When did you learn that asking for consistent effort from someone your dating is “too much”? When did you learn that things don't work out for you? Or that the only way to get wealthy is by marrying rich? Or if it's easy to get, it's not worth having?
I could go on and on about the things I hear from women, either my friends, clients or in the comment section on TikTok, that we picked up at some point in our lives that are making us miserable. MISERABLE.
Thank goodness our thoughts and beliefs are malleable.
We can decide what we believe. And even if this thought or belief feels so basic, like it's a core truth of who you are, I promise, it's possible to shift it.
Now, whether your mind is screaming, “No way” or “OMG tell me how?!” I see you.
Here's how it starts…
First, you have to be open to the fact that something you currently believe is true, actually isn't true. And that you have the capacity to change. This is the fundamental start. Because it doesn't matter how hard you work, how many dates you go on, how many books you read, coaches you hire, and so on and so forth. If you do not believe that thoughts, beliefs and as a whole, you, are capable of change, then you will always spin your wheels.
You don't need to know that it's going to work (although beliefs like that do tend to expedite growth) but just opening to the possibility that it might is where we start. And even in that small little step of being open instead of stuck or hopeless, you're actually taking back some of your power and remembering that you have influence on how your life looks and feels.
From there, we dig into what are those thoughts and beliefs you have and where did you learn them. And how do you push through the inevitable doubts that will come up when your brain is resisting any change?
This is where confidence grows.
When you start to see how you can influence even your longest, deepest held beliefs then all the sudden even the most persistent, annoying patterns in your life have the possibility to change.
