The three steps to get whatever you want in life
When it comes down to it, 95% of getting what you want in life comes down to three things:
Action, Awareness, and Letting it Happen.
Awareness: To get clear on what you want, to get clear when you're actually looking for something deeper or different and to figure out what it is that's been holding you back from having it
Action: To doing the things that it takes to get what you want even when they're challenging to your existing view of yourself, actually putting yourself in position
Letting it Happen: To actually trust that you are worthy and deserving enough and that you've done enough that it will eventually happen
Now many people think that the hardest part of getting what you want is taking the action. Actually starting the business, the week-over-week of swiping on apps and going on dates, saving rather than spending to prepare for a future vision of yourself.
And don't get me wrong, the action isn't usually easy. But in my experience, for my people (a.k.a ambitious, empathetic women like you,), it is 100% Letting it Happen that's the hardest.
I've been doing my own fair share of work on letting things happen (so there's you're proof that coaches aren't perfect, we are always still working on our own next level!). So I wanted to talk about a common pattern I see in my clients that you might recognize in yourself.
Let's say the thing you want is your long term partner, that nourishing, safe, playful relationship you've dreamed of.
You've done the awareness work to know that the types of guys you used to date were never going to be able to give you that type of partnership and you've done the awareness to understand why you still sometimes act in your own worst interest from a fear of rejection that you're working on.
You've adjusted your profile to accurately reflect you not the glossy version of you that you think guys would like. You're finding time each week to intentionally swipe and maintain conversations on the apps, balancing openness with honoring your standards. You go on dates and focus on tuning into your experience while you're there - “do I like him?”
But it's been a few months of this. And you're no closer to the long term partner, so you wonder if maybe you should download another app? Or maybe you should tinker with your settings on the app? Or maybe you should be swiping more (but geez, that's exhausting)? And so the thought spiral starts…
I haven't gotten what I wanted yet, so I must need to be taking more action.
Do you see it? The inability to let it happen?
At some point, you are doing enough. You are continuing to work on your mindset, you're showing up the way you need to, you're doing the things. The fact that what you want didn't immediately show up does not mean that you're doing anything wrong or you're not doing enough.
This is the moment to work on your ability to trust. I am enough. I have done enough. What I want is coming.
If those thoughts feel incredibly difficult, you can ask yourself honestly which of the three statements you don't yet believe? Is it because of a belief about yourself? Time to circle back to some awareness. Is it because you say you want something but you know deep down you're not showing up quite as much as is necessary? Time to get honest about action.
But most of you… I'd say the grand majority of you… will hit a point where you do believe you're enough. You are doing enough. And it will be excruciatingly hard to step out of overachiever, hustle, always making progress and just trust.
But this is where the magic is. And I know you can do it.
