A reminder when things feel hard
If you're here, I know you're a kind and compassionate person. I also know you're smart.
No, I'm not claiming to be a mind reader - it's one of those things. We're attracted to businesses, creators and just generally people who are similar to us. I know I'm kind, compassionate and smart so it's a solid bet that you are too.
Why does that matter?
Because some of the concepts in my work made my “smart girl” brain really skeptical too. So I want you to know that it's okay.
I was talking about this with a client last week - she has been working on rewriting some of those old beliefs about whether a guy will be attracted to somebody like her. (Now we all know that the “like her” means different things to different people - you probably jumped to whatever your “like her” is, whether it's body image, your job, your current mental health, etc.) Anyway, as she's been working on those beliefs herself, sometimes she hears her brain saying to her: “This is ridiculous. Just thinking over and over again that a guy will like me for me won't actually make it happen. It's never happened before so why would it happen now. You're going to make a fool of yourself.”
Yeah, basically, her brain starts being a real downer.
And honestly, it happens. So here's where I'm going to talk to the smart girl in you. We all understand that our inner narrative isn't just a personality - it actually serves a biological function. And since our brain's biological imperative is to keep us alive, most of the time, if not all of the time, our inner narrative is trying to guide us towards or away from things that will keep us safe or put us in real or perceived danger. Right? The biggest thing our brain perceives as danger (even if sometimes unfairly)? Change.
The street you've walked down a million times is safer than the brand new one.
The meal you've cooked a dozen times has less risk than a new one.
The vacation spot you've been to for years is more comfortable than a new one.
Anything that is new to our current experience will be interpreted as dangerous.
It's completely normal to start to get really skeptical when your brain starts talking all those skeptical thoughts. Especially when our inner narrative knows exactly the way to mention exactly the terrible potential outcome that will scare us the most. It's super tempting to reverse course.
But, my smart, smart friend, let's take a second to think about this:
If my brain doesn't like change…
Because change is danger…
And when it senses danger it tries to get me to go back…
And it does that is through thoughts trying to get me to give up…
If my brain is sending the thoughts trying to give up…
That means it's sensing danger…
Which means that I'm getting dangerously close to change.
When your brain starts getting snarky like that,
it means it's working.
I know it can be counterintuitive because for so long we've trained ourselves to trust what our brain is telling us. Thankfully we have access to the extensive research and support to help us further understand how sometimes our brain acts in our biological best interest but not necessarily in the best interest of our happiness (Our psychological best interest? perhaps our spiritual best interest? philosophical? Whichever one you like best!)
And you have me. For this client, I reminded her of this idea and of the importance of not always completely believing your brain. If your brain is getting real snarky, it probably means that whatever you're trying has enormous potential for impact on your subconscious.
I'm here to believe even when you don't. If you can trust me and just keep pushing, you'd be amazed at how that snarky inner narrative turns into “Wow, I never would have reacted that way a few months ago.”
