I'll cut right to the chase - there is one core thing that determines whether your life will be better in a month, six months, a year. 

Your willingness to get uncomfortable.

Not the answer anybody wants to hear. We don't like being uncomfortable. But here's the funny thing I see with my Private Coaching clients, week-over-week: we get so focused on being scared of being uncomfortable that we forget that we're not that happy in our comfort.

Now obviously, if you look at your life and see joy in every corner, if you're deeply in love, financially free and deeply fulfilled, then this isn't for you. More likely, you look around your life and things are good. Some parts are probably going well, some of it's coasting and then a couple real struggle areas. 

And yet, when the opportunity comes to do something different (which is how we become someone different), you think to yourself: “I don't know if I can do that. I'm so used to [insert comfort zone here] and I don't know what will happen.”

 The most common versions of this I see:

• Women who balk at the idea of saying no to a request made of them whether from parents, friends or a person they're dating, because they could get pushback or hurt the relationship. But when they're reflecting on what they'd like to be different in their life, they want to stop feeling like a pushover, feel more confident speaking up for themselves or less drained and exhausted all the time. 

• Women who resist suggestions to let a conversation fail or not follow up with someone they're speaking, pointing to their anxious attachment and how it makes them uncomfortable to not know. But when they talk about how they want to feel in their dating life, it's pursued, cared for and safe. 

• Women who immediately shut down at the idea of making a big investment (either in coaching or an important purchase or splurging on themselves), referencing that they don't have enough cushion or “money is tight right now”. But when they talk about their desired financial future, they want to feel financially free and able to spend on what makes them feel good.

What's the common theme in all three of these?

The very thing their body is SCREAMING at them not to do, is the first step to creating what they want. 

Think about this like saying you want to build strength at the gym, but then when your muscles start burning, pointing to that feeling and saying “it doesn't feel good to me when I lift heavy weights. I get tired.” Hell yes, it does, that's the point!

If you want to feel pursued and valued in your dating life, you cannot rely on the regular validation drip of receiving a text from somebody else. This means doing the uncomfortable thing and stepping away from the phone. It will feel uncomfortable. This is a good sign.

If you want to make enough money to set your bills to autopay and never think twice about booking your monthly facial (a.k.a. being able to spend without guilt and trust that there's always more money coming), you cannot keep holding on to your money like it's the last you'll ever have and you need to “be careful.” This means that sometimes you will have to make decisions to bring more money to you, by spending money first. It will feel uncomfortable. This is a good sign.

It's understandable why we get so blinded by the fear, by the signals that are body is sending us “This is not okay! Retreat to safety!" We have millions of years of evolution running inside our heads who's sole responsibility is to make sure we don't die. 

Remember… our brains are wired to keep us safe, not to make us happy. 

If you want happy, you will be overriding the natural function of your brain. Of course, your brain is going to get very very loud as you're trying to do this. But this is a sign that you're stepping toward happy.

If you feel the urge to retreat to the comfortable, you have to challenge yourself - “I know what the comfortable actions get me (the life you're living right now). Is that really what I want? And if you want something different, are you willing to do something different?”

Discomfort is your friend, darling.